Wanted: New friends that actually go out

Really. I might even pay you. Of course, if you do get paid, you have to say nice things to me all the time and brush my hair and get me iced teas and let me be right all the time and oh, forget it, because by that time I'll hate you for being a suckup, albeit of my own creation.

What I mean is, being my age (mid-to-late thirties but not yet 40, bitches), I find that my friends would rather stay in and watch TV than go out and do stuff. Every stinking night -- including weekends. WTF? Even on the weekends. I reeeeeeallly don't want to sit on someone's couch on a Saturday night, unless there's a possibility that I might get some. You know, SOME. Otherwise, take me out someplace (bar, restaurant, truckstop, pool hall, police station) where I could meet a guy that could give me some. Wait, do we know what some means these days? I don't mean drugs or anything. Weirdos.

Moral of the story: I need to get laid.