Toxic Friendships

You ever have a friend that is such an ass you wonder why you're friends in the first place? I have one of those, but I know why I hang on to the friendship -- because a woman in her late 30s that is unmarried has to hang onto her "friends" of the same age, because you need someone to go to a bar with occasionally. Shallow, I know -- and don't forget sad. I dread being lonely more than I dread the slings and arrows of someone wearing the cloak of friend.

Let me tell you about my friend. We'll call her Toxina. She's a little older than I am (over 40), never married (me either), and is an attractive, professional woman (I like to think I am, too). However, Toxina couldn't be more bitchy about everything. She needs to be the center of attention at all times, and has even created her circle of friends in such a way that each person is only friends with her; the rest are acquaintances to each other. If Toxina thinks you have something better than she does (better car, better job, better hair, skinnier, younger, prettier, etc.), she doesn't have a good thing to say about you and goes out of her way to make catty remarks -- even to your face under the guise of being "funny." It isn't funny -- it's cruel.

Here's an example of how much fun it is to go out with Toxina. Toxina will occasionally like to go out to dinner or get a drink. However, if she hasn't suggested it or if the place is out of her comfort zone, she will not go there. So you go to a place on her approved destination list. Let's say it's a bar. Now Toxina's idea of a bar is not an upscale place, it's more casual, which is fine with me. But she will choose one that is near a college, so everyone in there except us and the owner are 21-25. So we'll get a beer or something and chit chat about work and dieting and whatnot, while the conversation invariably goes on to systematically rip apart the people around us. It doesn't help that Toxina forever has a bored sneer on her face, so even if a guy wanted to talk to us, one look at that face and they'd run for the hills. We finish our drinks and our chit chat, leave, and then listen to Toxina ramble on about how there are no men around, everyone's 15, why are all the girls half dressed -- I could go on for HOURS. It's sad; it's pathetic; but how does one help someone realize what they're becoming without losing their company?

I don't want to be like Toxina. But I will go out for a drink with her, just to get out of the house. How bad is that? Yes, I know that makes me into a user, which in and of itself is just awful. I need to make more friends and leave her alone in her misery. Better yet -- I need a boyfriend. Anybody interested?