Friday night I had my heart broken.
You'd think that I'd be past the idea that someone might actually want to make a connection with me, as I'm old enough to be driving the bitter bus. But noooooo, I had to go ahead and get a schoolgirl crush on this guy I work with. He's really sweet and nice, and we've been flirty emailing back and forth for a while. We've even been out for drinks after work together, and I, being the uberspinster that I am, began to let my hard little heart melt just a bit.
Friday night I organize a group of work folks to go out for some martinis. God knows I needed it, and you'll understand why when I repost about my job sometime in the future. Anyhoo, I wound up with about 10 people there, including him. Let's call him Jake. Jake is everything I'm looking for in a guy. He's funny, smart, cute, and ambitious. He is also taller than I am. Just thought I'd throw that in there. Not that it means anything since I'm a short chick, but for some reason, short guys love me. And nerds. And vagrants. And dudes over 60. And dudes with carrot aversions. Don't ask about the last one.
What was I talking about again? Oh, right, heart being squished and all.
Now since Jake and I had been flirty in the past, I thought he'd make a move. Or I would after my third mojito. Or his third mojito. But lo and behold, let me introduce to you, my reading public, the other woman in this sad, pathetic story. Let's call her Lisa. Now before we get all hating on Lisa, let me state that she's actually a really great person and had no idea that I even had my eye on Jake. The bitch.
So Lisa sits down with us. She's friends with both Jake and I, so we have a good conversation. But as I sat there, I watched Jake become more and more interested in Lisa and less and less in me. I stayed in the game, though, working the conversation as best as I could. I even held my pee. Unfortunately, that pee didn't want to be held too long, so I went to the ladies room. FATAL ERROR. I should have let my kidneys explode. On my way back, I saw Jake and Lisa exchange numbers. They even programmed each other's cellphones.
The loud shattering sound that resonated across the bar was my little heart breaking. Technically, I can't be angry at either of them, because I obviously read too much into what Jake and I had going. However, technically sucks. They suck. What should I have done differently? Semi-slutty sweater with cleavage out; check. Makeup just so; check. I'm Easy written on forehead in invisible ink; check. Whore heels; check.
You know I'm going to die alone in a recliner with my cat and a copy of Knitter's Digest in my hands. SAVE ME.
Friday night I organize a group of work folks to go out for some martinis. God knows I needed it, and you'll understand why when I repost about my job sometime in the future. Anyhoo, I wound up with about 10 people there, including him. Let's call him Jake. Jake is everything I'm looking for in a guy. He's funny, smart, cute, and ambitious. He is also taller than I am. Just thought I'd throw that in there. Not that it means anything since I'm a short chick, but for some reason, short guys love me. And nerds. And vagrants. And dudes over 60. And dudes with carrot aversions. Don't ask about the last one.
What was I talking about again? Oh, right, heart being squished and all.
Now since Jake and I had been flirty in the past, I thought he'd make a move. Or I would after my third mojito. Or his third mojito. But lo and behold, let me introduce to you, my reading public, the other woman in this sad, pathetic story. Let's call her Lisa. Now before we get all hating on Lisa, let me state that she's actually a really great person and had no idea that I even had my eye on Jake. The bitch.
So Lisa sits down with us. She's friends with both Jake and I, so we have a good conversation. But as I sat there, I watched Jake become more and more interested in Lisa and less and less in me. I stayed in the game, though, working the conversation as best as I could. I even held my pee. Unfortunately, that pee didn't want to be held too long, so I went to the ladies room. FATAL ERROR. I should have let my kidneys explode. On my way back, I saw Jake and Lisa exchange numbers. They even programmed each other's cellphones.
The loud shattering sound that resonated across the bar was my little heart breaking. Technically, I can't be angry at either of them, because I obviously read too much into what Jake and I had going. However, technically sucks. They suck. What should I have done differently? Semi-slutty sweater with cleavage out; check. Makeup just so; check. I'm Easy written on forehead in invisible ink; check. Whore heels; check.
You know I'm going to die alone in a recliner with my cat and a copy of Knitter's Digest in my hands. SAVE ME.
posted by Betsy at
3:00 PM
2 Comments:
No wonder I can't get dates. You'd think my friends would have given me a heads up. Bitches.
By
Betsy, at 4:42 PM
You should have mouthed across the table, "I want a fig newton"
Try it.
By
Anonymous, at 5:47 PM
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